Female Sexual Empowerment: How to Feel Empowered Through Sex…

It’s not always the case; however, it happens quite frequently that the man takes on the dominant lover role, and the woman takes on the submissive role when engaging in sexual activity. 

Depending on how giving your male lover is, this can lead to sex-focused entirely on his pleasure and not yours. And often, women are too shy to speak up about what they want in bed because they don’t want to hurt their feelings, or perhaps they don’t even know what they like in bed (hint: Its time to engage in some self-love with sex toys made specifically for women’s pleasure).

If you’re on this boat, it’s time for you to feel empowered, my friend.

So, how can you feel more sexually empowered in bed?

• Get to know your body and what you like: Before jumping into bed with someone, you first have to spend some time alone. Set an evening or two aside to touch every part of your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Touch your vulva and vagina and get to know your anatomy. So many of us women have no idea about our own anatomy; isn’t that crazy?! If it helps, sit in front of a mirror with your legs wide open and take an in-depth look at your vulva. What do you see? What does your vulva look like? Celebrate what it looks like too! If you feel so inclined, invest in a vibrating toy and experiment with how you like to be stimulated if you don’t have one already. Also, experiment with how you like to be touched without a vibrator! Take some time out for yourself and give yourself the pleasure you deserve. Then you will be able to inform your sexual partner(s) how you like to be touched.
• Use your voice: So you’re familiar with your own body and what makes it tick. Now it’s time to use that voice of yours to tell your partner how to pleasure you. Men can have a tendency to go fast. If this doesn’t feel good, tell him! Women tend to be the opposite of men and prefer a slow, sensual build-up. So if his tongue is going too fast on your clit, tell him! A man will not be offended if you tell him how you want to be pleasured. If anything, he’ll be turned on that he has a woman in his bed who knows what she wants! And now she is telling him the secret to making her orgasm.
• Take charge: Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, our words go unheard because our partner is so invested in pleasuring us (which is great, don’t get us wrong). However, the message still needs to be received. And if they don’t hear you for whatever reason, the next step is taking it into your own hands and showing them. A classic example is if someone isn’t kissing to your rhythm. Instead of saying: ‘Dude, you suck at kissing’, why not lay them back on the bed or couch, hold their wrists above their head and demonstrate to them how you like to be kissed. The point of this is to allow you to kiss them how you like to be kissed, which should get the message across. They will be turned on by you restraining their hands above their head, and they probably will try to initiate the kissing. Don’t reward this behavior with a kiss. Only kiss them when it’s on your terms. This will not only allow you to teach them how you like to be kissed, but it also allows for some cheeky teasing too, which is always good.
• Explore your kinks and fetishes: If fantasizing about BDSM really turns you on, but you settle for vanilla sex in real life, there’s an imbalance here. You have one life to experience all the things you want to experience. And sex is definitely a part of life that should not involve any kind of settling. If you’re even remotely interested in trying out a particular fetish or kink, give it a go. If you don’t like it, at least you can say you tried it out. If you do like it, well … you’ve just added a whole new string of sex to your bow.
• Only have sex when you want to have sex: Okay, this one is a bit deep, but it is important nonetheless. Sometimes your beau might poke you with his penis in the middle of the night, but you’d rather continue sleeping. It can be tempting just to say: “Okay finnneee…”. But actually, in this situation, it might be better to be honest with your partner and tell them that you’re tired and you’d rather sleep. Just because you have a partner, it doesn’t mean that they have access to your vagina or penis 24/7. You can always say NO. There is a lot of talk about saying NO in casual sex situations, but actually, the same goes for committed relationships too. Every person on this planet has the right to have sex on their terms. And if you’re not feeling it, no sex is better than underwhelming, wish-I-was-asleep-right-now-sex.
• Celebrate your body and what it can do: Having sex is probably one of the rawest, most revealing activities you can do. You are naked, you might get sweaty, you’re feeling one of life’s greatest pleasures and making the sounds to prove it, and there is nowhere to hide. Looking into someone’s eyes when they’re naked compared to with clothes on is a whole other vibe, and it can make you feel like they’re seeing into your soul. It’s a beautiful but scary feeling simultaneously, especially for those of us with intimacy issues and body confidence issues. We all have our insecurities, even the seemingly confident person you’re sleeping with. But the thing to remember is that they want to have sex with you, meaning that they don’t care about whatever you’re insecure about. So instead of being self-conscious about the size of your breasts, your post-partum tummy, the size of your butt, or your feet, just remember that the person in your bed thinks that you are awesome and sexy. And also, often, the things on our bodies that we feel insecure about are what make us unique, so instead of feeling self-conscious, we should be celebrating our bodies and what they can do. An orgasm is one amazing thing our body can give us … just saying.

These are a few of the ways that you can feel more empowered during sex. Remember to use your voice, tell your partner what you want, and never settle for anything other than fantastic sex. It takes two (or more) people to have sex, so everyone’s needs should be heard, no matter how big or small. Now, what are you waiting for? Go own your sex life, girl!