Drug Free Anesthesia: No Thank You!

Health Editor’s Note:  Here is a remarkably humorous article done by the medical/healthcare satirical site, GomerBlog.  This will bring some chuckles……I think.  I sure smiled. Hope you enjoy!  🙂 …….Carol

Anesthesiologists Now Offering Ball-Peen Hammer as Natural Option for Sedation
For those who want a drug-free surgery

Under pressure from the natural medicine movement, the American Society of Anesthesiologists has discovered a “natural” and “drug-free” approach toward preparing a patient for surgery: a firm, well-placed knock to the skull with a ball-peen hammer.

Practitioners of holistic and natural remedies are celebrating the change.

“Surgery is, of course, a last-ditch effort if appropriate crystal placement doesn’t work,” said local natural medicine practitioner David “Banana” Smith.

“But if a chakra realignment and my own extract of donkey sweat ($99 per ounce on my website) aren’t enough to treat a compound leg fracture, for example, one of my followers might be faced with no other option than surgery. I can sleep better in my multi-million dollar home tonight knowing that, if anything happens to me that requires going under the knife, they can just put me down naturally with a hammer to the head instead of filling Big Pharma’s pockets with sales from sedatives.”

So far, the hammer initiative has been a success. While the vast majority of people still prefer to go with sedation for surgery, a few vocal opponents of modern medicine have taken the hammer option. Coincidentally, job satisfaction scores for anesthesiologists have increased dramatically since the initiative began.

Dr. Soma, an anesthesiologist for the Cleveland Clinic system, shared a recent success story.

“I had a patient the other day who needed her gallbladder removed. While she was being prepped for surgery, she did a Google search and found that gallbladders can heal on their own with the right combination of essential oils rubbed on the abdomen. She started refusing all drugs even though she was in immense pain and her liver was starting to fail. With a simple tap of a hammer, we had her in surgery in minutes.”

With the success of hammer sedation, hospitals are researching other viable options to bridge the gap between natural and modern medicine. Johns Hopkins is exploring “fresh air treatment,” in which a patient refusing all treatments is simply asked to go outside, take deep breaths of fresh air, and walk as far away from the building as possible.

Carol Duff, MSN, BA, RN

Carol graduated from Riverside White Cross School of Nursing in Columbus, Ohio and received her diploma as a registered nurse. She attended Bowling Green State University where she received a Bachelor of Arts Degree in History and Literature. She attended the University of Toledo, College of Nursing, and received a Master’s of Nursing Science Degree as an Educator.

She has traveled extensively, is a photographer, and writes on medical issues. Carol has three children RJ, Katherine, and Stephen – one daughter-in-law; Katie – two granddaughters; Isabella Marianna and Zoe Olivia – and one grandson, Alexander Paul. She also shares her life with her husband Gordon Duff, many cats, and two rescues.

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