Trump nukes Honduran military base in retaliation for “invasion”

“It was our base? Oops!”

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Dissociated Press

Obeying an order issued by Commander-in-Chief Donald J. Trump, the United States Air Force has used a nuclear weapon to destroy Honduras’ biggest military installation.

At 7:31:06 this morning, Base Aerea Soto Cano in Comayagua, Honduras was instantly incinerated by a B83 thermonuclear weapon set to its maximum yield of 1.2 megatons dropped by a USAF B1A Lancer as ordered by President Trump in his first official act of the day.

Trump then called a press conference and explained: “A short time ago, an American aeroplane dropped one bomb on Comayagua and destroyed its usefulness to the enemy. That bomb has more power than one million tons of TNT.



“The Hondurans began this war with their attempt to invade our country. They have been repaid many fold and the end is not yet.”

Trump added that he has placed all US nuclear forces on hair-trigger alert and is prepared to use more nuclear weapons at the border if Honduran invaders throw rocks: “Anybody throwing rocks at our border will be considered to be using a nuclear weapon, and we will respond with much, much bigger nuclear weapons,” Trump explained, adding: “Our nuclear weapons are much, much, much bigger and harder than anybody’s, and ours don’t need all that much viagra to work.”

Trump said the nuclear bomb craters along the border would be filled with radioactive water and mutant crocodiles and used as a moat, alongside his planned Wall, to discourage illegal immigration.

Asked which Air Force Base supplied the BIA Lancer used to destroy Base Aerea Soto Cano, Trump deferred to National Security Advisor John Bolton. Bolton, after googling on his smart phone, explained that the nuclear armed bomber had been stationed at Base Aerea Soto Cano in Comayagua, Honduras.

Informed by reporters that he had just blown up an American military base, Trump blamed the media for the mistake, calling reporters “enemies of the people” before hastily exiting the press conference.

The newly-vaporized US Commander at Soto Cano, US Army Col. Winifred “Ashes” Ashton, could not be reached for comment .

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9 COMMENTS

  1. Your description of alleged immigration-driven social collapse not quite as insanely exaggerated as Trump’s overreaction in my satire. But it is pretty close. By objective measures, (1) the US is quite prosperous and comfortable compared to other times and places, and (2) evidence shows immigrants are LESS likely to be criminals and parasites than non-immigrants.

    So this whole “immigrant scare” thing is an exercise in politically-weaponized paranoid psychosis.

  2. my jewish grandfather rode in the cavalry under Pershing, they would have bought weed and tequila from the migrants. he came home and made moonshine out of cucumbers

  3. I just did a Bing search, using “soros funding migration,” and I got 15,900,000 results: https://www.bing.com/search?q=soros+funding+migration&qs=HS&pq=soros+fu&sc=8-8&cvid=6D4972ED0EF34F1AAF55EBCB99E91C96&FORM=QBLH&sp=1 … Now if all of these sources are libelous, where are the lawsuits? It’s not as though Soros doesn’t have the money to file lawsuits. Capish? Do a little research and you will find who is primarily behind the push for mass immigration. It’s Soros’s fellow tribal members. It’s a well-documented fact.

    • The US was and is founded on mass immigration. But I guess some folks are very much against helping a few neighbors. It’s the “we’re in but no more after us” argument. But really it’s the ” tell the poor to buzz off, I’m enjoying my steak and wine” stance. I’m not sure which is more stupid or the least compassionate.
      You would think, after all the people we have killed and displaced in the last four hundred years, helping a few might be appealing, but Nooooooooo. Mine mine mine mine mine. me me me me me

  4. Um, the primary mission of the US military is protecting our borders, but I understand how that basic directive has been forgotten. But yea, it is supposed to be against real threats, not political shenanigans.

    I went to grab this link, and found the explanatory video is not working, I guess 700 billion doesn’t buy what it used to. lol. https://www.defense.gov/our-story/

  5. I’ve heard many in the caravan are carrying Bic lighters , and the strollers have razor blades on the wheels.
    Bibs can also quickly be converted to slings. We must be diligent and pray for the safety of our brave troops.

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